Home » Uncategorized » Smiling Dave Teaches Mankind How To Go To The Bathroom.

Smiling Dave Teaches Mankind How To Go To The Bathroom.

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Devil’s Advocate: You are going to lose a lot of dignity with this one, Dave.

Smiling Dave: My loyal readers deserve the very best quality of life.

It is well known that Western toilets are not ergonomically ideal for the use they are designed for. That’s why Dave is here to guide you on how to make things as easy as possible for those who need this info.

Step One. How To Sit Down.

Make sure you move yourself as far to the rear of the seat as possible.

If you find yourself thinking, “Any further back and I will soil the seat,” that’s the right place.

Step Two. Footwork.

Lift your heels off the ground as high as you can, keeping your toes on the ground. No, you don’t get off the seat to do this. Just the bottoms of your feet go up, nothing else.

Step Three: Upper Body Positioning.

Keeping yourself firmly planted on the seat, lower your shoulders as much as you can. The flexible will actually touch their knees with their shoulders; the rest of us will do our best.

Convenient Checklist:

1. Back in the seat?

2. On your tippy toes?

3. Shoulders touching knees?

4. Still seated?

5. All systems go!

EDIT: Found a photo illustrating some of the concepts:

Disclaimer: I have no connection to this product.



  1. anarcholibertarian says:

    I’ve been using this ever since I read it. Thanks for going out on a limb sharing it. Before I tried squatting on the lid with my pants off but this is much easier.


  2. Smiling Dave says:

    Thanks Erik. This article may be my legacy.


  3. anarcholibertarian says:

    Dude, you’re freakin hilarious!

    Let me add something to this that I just discovered. For the past year I have gotten a rash from my deoderant. I’ve only had a rash once before like this and that was in 2003. I called up Gillette back then and they said it was because I switched from anti-perspirant to deoderant. After a little while the rash went away. But it came back again a year ago even though I haven’t been doing anything differently (or so I thought). I even tried the natural deodorants like Tom’s to no avail.

    So a week ago I used my roommates Axe soap, and my deodorant didn’t sting when I put it on. I realized it must be that the residue from my soap (Dove for men) was negatively interacting with my deodorant.

    Also, I brought this topic up with a coworker and he said that his dad used to sweat a lot, and a doctor gave him these bags that he wore under his arms when he went to sleep. After a year of doing this, he no longer uses the bags and he doesn’t sweat at all under his arms anymore.


  4. Anonymous says:

    Having the pants off is not the worst way of doing it.


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